My Life with 2 Kids: Month 5 :-P March 26, 2012

Wow, it has been  months since I last posted! In my defense I had a baby at the end of October and have been extremely busy. I have so many ideas for posts that float through my  but rarely have time to post them.

What I’ve learned over the past 5 months of having two kids: not a damn thing! Just kidding.

List of things I’ve learned over the past 5 months with two kids. (My son is almost 3 and my daughter 5 months)

1. It is very much a juggling act to do even the smallest tasks sometimes.

Example: In the middle of nursing my daughter, my son screams that he has to pee-pee in the potty! He dashes off to the bathroom and is yelling for help to unbutton his pants and help him sit on the potty. (Correctly for a boy requires some finesse to not make a BIG mess-lol) I run to the bathroom with my daughter (sometimes still latched on to me) and help him pull down his pants and properly sit on the potty all with one hand. Then there is the washing of his hands and pulling his pants back on again. This entire process should take about 2 minutes, but I swear, sometimes it seems we are in there for closer to 10 only to return again because he hasn’t peed enough the past visit to the potty!

2. If one kid sleeps through the night, the other will surely have an issue sleeping that night.

3. Both kids will always get hungry at the same time and both will whine, whimper or cry until fed. I just have to decide which one I can stand to hear for 5 minutes while I feed the other one. lol

4. Getting out of the house is a 2 hour process usually followed by a return trip to the house to use the potty or grab one of the million items needed to carry, cover or soothe a newborn baby.

5. They grow so quickly but your body doesn’t “bounce back” nearly as quickly.

6. Just when you’re about to lose your cool, one of your little angels smiles at you with a big smile and melts your heart. This leads you to forget about how you’ve changed your shirt three times that day because of spit up, changed several poop diapers and been yelled at for food.

Ahhh the life of a mom!!

We Only Live Once, but Can Live Many Lives January 10, 2012

There are no guarantees in life, and with that understanding I am realizing that regardless of the immense amount of thinking and planning I may put into something, everything may still not always go according to plan. The key is to have several back up plans as well as an attitude of acceptance when things do not go as planned. Guess what? Sometimes dreams come true and sometimes they do not. When they do not, it is time to say good-bye to those dreams and start making new ones. Life is not over until it’s over. Don’t let life’s disappointments bring you down to the point of despair. Remember that just because today didn’t go as planned that there is always tomorrow. In fact, I think that’s why tomorrow exists, to make up for today’s short comings.

So, if you find yourself at that point in your life where you are having to start over; or you’re faced with the unfortunate realization that your dream will not come true; make a new dream and pursue it with all of your heart. We only live once, but can live many lives. We only live once, but we have many chances to be happy.

Forgive AND Forget? December 30, 2011

As the year comes to an end I find myself reflecting on new lessons learned. I’m not sure if I will ever be able to forget those things that have happened to me by people I love and care for, but I am making the decision to forgive them. It is always worse when being hurt by family that are supposed to know you, but we can’t choose our families, we are born into them. This sometimes gives them more ammunition to fire at you if you are to ever fight because they know where your soft spots are; where you are most vulnerable. I do not believe it is possible for me to erase the memory of a painful incident. I will forgive, not because these people deserve my forgiveness,(or even care to be forgiven), but for myself.

Here’s my lesson and words of wisdom: forgive for yourself, not for the other person that has harmed you. If someone has dissapointed you and shown their true colors, then it is better to know this now than to continue thinking you have a better relationship than you actually do.

I refuse to be harmed by people that I thought cared about me. I refuse to be a victim in any sense of the word. I refuse to put any effort into relationships that are not worth my time.

Key word ” selfpreservation”.

So to all who have harmed me, you are forgiven. I will NOT forget because I will use that experience as a lesson for the future. Thank you for making me a stronger person. Thank you for making my 2011 a year that I will mark as the year I learned to forgive.

Happiness is in the Eye of the Beholder December 6, 2011

My favorite teacher from college posted this quote on Facebook a while back and it inspired this very post:

‘”People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they are not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.” – H. Jackson Browne

Happiness is in the eye of the beholder. We easily judge other people’s choices that they have made in their life and question their level of happiness. Conversations about other people’s lives and choices often lead to the topic of happiness. We can sometimes be quick to judge other people’s ideas of happiness and put down their life choices. It’s human nature to judge, sometimes unknowingly, based on our own ideas of happiness. It makes sense, in fact, to base your knowledge of happiness on your own experiences. Everyone has their own paths that they choose to take in their lives and within those paths each person has different human experiences.

There is the “common path” that society, our families or our cultures will pound into our brains. We are all “programmed” to be a certain way and to lead a certain life, it is the bravest of us that decide to take the road that best suits us in the end. This road may not be the most unique in the world, as far as roads go, it may not be the most adventurous either, but it is OUR road to take, our life to experience.

We give other people advice or criticism about their live based on our own ideals while rarely taking into consideration this other person’s perspective on life. Next time you hear someone talking about their life and talking about how happy they are, take into consideration their perspective on life and what makes that particular person happy. Don’t be too quick to judge. Be open-minded. Root for happiness in all its different forms and begin to understand the different types of happy that exist in this world.

To each his own. The best advice I ever received as a young girl. It is normal to  compare our lives against those around us, but in the end we should not judge our happiness based on what makes other people happy.

 

Wisdom: “You’re not a shiny gold coin that everyone is going to like”(Quote from my late great-grandmother) December 1, 2011

Despite my many efforts to be a nice person and a considerate person I have come to the conclusion that not everyone is going to like me. This is a concept I have to keep revisiting and re-learning because I am a believer that you get what you give to people. Yet I am faced with the hard reality once again that not everyone is going to like you. This is a hard concept for me to grasp since I always take the time to get to know people and find some common ground with them. I am a people pleaser, as I’ve previously stated in an earlier post, thus this concept in especially hard for me to understand. I have always believed that if I treat people with respect and show an interest in getting to know them that they would do the same.

Here’s some advice before your feelings get hurt: People are like flavors of ice cream, we all like ice cream but we don’t all enjoy all the flavors. Just as you may not enjoy all the flavors, others may not enjoy your particular flavor either.

I believe that the way people treat me is their problem, their karma to deal with, whether they choose to be nice to me or mean, that is up to them. The way they choose to treat me will come back to them through karma. My karma is how I choose to react and act from the way I am treated by other people. In all honesty, I can say I am never as mean to anyone as they are to me, but I always try to be nicer by taking the high road and letting them “win”. Kill them with kindness, never talk behind their back things or say things you would not say to their face and in the end they can never say you were mean-spirited. If they do, however, you and everyone else know that this was made up in their head and not a reality.

As my late great-grandmother used to say, “You’re not a shiny gold coin that everyone is going to like.”

Yeah, I think that about sums it up…

Rites of Passage as a Parent: Sleepless Nights November 28, 2011

I haven’t written a post in a while because I gave birth to our baby girl 4 weeks ago. I am spending my days sleepy and nights awake.   this got me to thinking about the one thing on my mind these days : sleep. Sleepless nights are a rite of passage that parents must go through. It’s our initiation into parenthood and a bond that unites all parents, new and old.

We already have a 2-1/2 year old and thought we were past the sleepless nights phase since our son sleeps an average of 11 hours a night and naps 2-3 hours a day. When we decided to have another child we agreed that there would be long nights without sleep and that it would all be worth it in the end. I can say this now, being that we are in the middle of the sleepless nights phase, that it is not as easy as I remember it being.

I think perhaps, we blocked out all the miserably exhausting nights and back aches from sleeping in awkward positions; the constant diaper changes;and  the average of four wardrobe changes a day due to spit up. I think we blocked out all of the negative aspects of a newborn baby because we wanted another child and a sibling for our son ( and maybe we didn’t want to admit how hard it would be with a newborn).

I will give advice to all out there, the same advice that I would love to hear in return, which is that this shall pass. There is a light at the end of the tunnel; in this case being sleep. Remember that the baby is not out to get you by terrorising you with sleep deprivation. Sleepless nights are a rite of passage for us parents so take them in like  the warrior that you are and remember they won’t be newborns for long. =)

Annoying Saying that are Very true… October 11, 2011

Sayings and common advice are relevent because they’re sound advice on things that have happened to everyone in their lives and passing on these sayings is a way of reminding us that we are not alone in our problems, that we are not the only one experiencing these things. I can find them a bit annoying, but here are a few I was thinking about that have rung true in recent months:

1. “Everything happens for a reason.”

* People being told this are usually going through a rough patch and seldom want to hear the core advice in this saying. What I understand is that yes, everything happens for some reason, some good, some bad and some necessary, the real question is “why” they happen. Most often we don’t realize the “why’s” until long after these moments have passed us by, and some until we die and are enlightened.

2.  ”Never loan money or sell anything to a family of friend. If you loan them money, consider it a gift. If you sell them something, prepare to hear all about it when something goes wrong with it.”

* No further explanation needed, it never turns out well. Ever.

3. “Don’t burn your bridges.”

* I have second handedly experienced this through my husband and all the employees that he has let go, or have moved on, most burning their bridges with him. The best way to leave a company, partnership, or any relationship is on good terms. No bad mouthing, keep things in order and top notch on your way out.

4. “If you can’t beat them, join them.”

*I allow myself to do this once in a while. While at the park last week, I didn’t want my son playing with sidewalk chalk because he was going to get filthy. The other moms allowed their kids and after a few attempts to distract my son from playing with the chalk, I let him get dirty.

5. “This too shall pass.”

* This one goes along with item #1. I have moments this year where things seemed to be going downhill all at once and from different angles and saying this to myself reminds me that there is always tomorrow and these difficult times will pass as they have in the past.

6. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”

* This I have learned in recent time through my 2 year old son, a few friends and a restaurant that I was giving a second chance to, I should have known better. Well, at least I never allow myself to be fooled three times, because that would just be a damn shame.

There are more annoying sayings, these are just a few that have really rung true to my life in the past few months. Please add more if you have any good ones! =)

Some Unsolicited Advice: What NOT to say to a Pregnant Woman October 3, 2011

1. WOW, you are so big!

2. Do you think you’ll ever get your shape back?

Me: yes, I’ve done it before.

Them: It’s going to be really hard with two kids. Good luck with that! (sarcastically)

3. Wow, your face is getting so round and puffy.

4. Are you sure you can fit into this booth?

5. You’re baby is going to be HUGE! Or maybe you’ve just gained a lot of weight.

6. You’re so much larger than my (insert person: friend, cousin, sister) who is the same amount of months as you!

7. Good luck getting sleep with two better take advantage now!

And some things we pregos always like to hear:

1. You’re glowing! (lie to me, I’m ok with it.)

2. You’re so tiny!

3. You’ll get your body back in no time!

4. I love your cute maternity clothes!

5. You’re all belly! (again, lie to me, I’m ok with it)

Delaying the “happy” September 14, 2011

I have said it many times before, but happiness is something that can’t be found but is created within us. The biggest mistake I see people make is believing that a single “thing” will make their lives whole. Some people are putting their “happy” aside until they fulfill some requirement usually forced upon them by ideals and insecurities they’ve acquired throughout their lives. We say to ourselves, ” I will be happy once I am at my perfect weight, have that new job, husband, kids, career…” what about in the meantime?

Life is too short to delay being happy. It seems long when we are in the middle of a pregnancy (I am 33 weeks), a bad situation (divorce, unemployment etc.) and when we are waiting for “something” amazing to happen. I don’t expect to lead an exciting life Monday through Friday, but I do expect to do things that make myself happy on a daily basis, even something as simple as writing or listening to a favorite song and singing my heart out along with the artist.

Do not delay the happy. Do that one thing that you’ve been putting off now. Start planning that trip you’ve been talking about for years; whatever is on your happy list. Don’t put off being happy because life has a way of catching up with us and it goes fast.

Go look at your “happy list” and if you don’t have one, just make a conscious effort to do little things for yourself daily that make you happy. Do not delay it because it makes no sense to spend time being sad when there is an alternative.

Shed Your Old Skin and Embrace Change September 9, 2011

I am, like so many others, a creature of habit. I like no love and live for a set routine in my everyday life. The ounce of spontaneity I do posses is something I rarely am comfortable in letting out. There are times, however, when I realize that holding onto tired routines and ideas are what are in fact weighing me down and keeping me from change.

I am 8 weeks or less away from having my second child and the single thought that keeps me up some nights is that my routine will inevitably change. It has to, yet my fear is how I will deal with that change not my 2- 1/2 year old son.

I have come to the conclusion that I must release myself from this old skin and fit into my new skin. To do so I have to discard my emotional clutter, old ideas, old routines and look to alterative routes that are still in line with my parenting theories. What helps me is looking at my soon-to-be new life in the eye’s of other new mothers with two children. I see that all seem to have a hard time at first but that half of these mothers make it work by establishing routines similar for both children and that the other half never seem to get any type of routine established. The mother’s that do make it work tell me it was hard at first but with determination (something I possess in all aspects of my life) a similar routine for both children is indeed feasible.

I do not have two children yet, I still have time to think and plan but just the thought that I can let go of my old routine to add in my new child’s needs make me feel like a great weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

PS. If I hear one more time a sarcastic “good luck with keeping your routine”, (smirk, smirk) I will scream. I am not naive to believe that nothing will change and that all will continue exactly as it was before because there will in fact be a change in the number of people I will be caring for. I do believe that I will be flexible but still hold my ground as to the type of change I am willing to allow.

Think of this in your own life, especially when stuck in a rut, that by shedding your old skin and allowing for new ideas and perspectives on doing things will help you change for the better. We cannot and should not change for other people, but if you feel the need to move forward in your life than release yourself from your old ways of thinking and seek new ideas. Remember, if there were only one right way of doing things than we would all be wrong!