I am a thinker. I analyze everything, including people’s behaviors and attitudes, my own as well. I am very in touch with my own emotions and feelings that sometimes I even pause to ask myself ,“why are you feeling this way?” Usually, upon analyzing a bad mood I can get myself out of my mood and back into a happy positive state. This amazes and annoys those around me because they can see my mood shift from happy to annoyed to sad to right back to happy in a matter of minutes. I am self-aware, not self-conscious. I do not feel uncomfortable with myself, I am in touch with myself and my emotions.
Overall, I would consider myself a happy person. I am by no means a happy-go-lucky type of person. The difference being that I am not an optimist all the time nor am I a pessimist, but I am a realist. I like to take a problem and sometimes I may find myself running away from it for a good 24 hours but at the end of those 24 hours, I either find a solution on how to fix it or I accept it and make the best light out of it.
I do NOT believe in coincidence because eventually I see why an event or occurrence has taken place. The fun is sometimes waiting until the “light” comes on in my head and I can sit back and analyze the events that lead me to where I am now in my life. Connecting the dots from one event to another. Even bad events have a purpose; some we learn now and some will always be a mystery.
I have some secrets of true happiness and how you can achieve it in your own lives. None of my advice has to do with getting what you want, but more so about wanting and/or accepting what you’ve got. Now, remember, unless you are clinically depressed or a cynic, these will work for you, so read on with an open mind. 😉
Secrets of Happiness from a Happy Person
For starters: Act Happy! Don’t worry about money! Don’t worry about youth; because ACTING happy is likely to MAKE you happy! So, what makes for a happy disposition? Who are these people who stay basically up despite life’s downs? There are 4 important traits of happy people:
Self-esteem: Happy People Like Themselves
The best predictor of general life satisfaction is NOT satisfaction with family, life, love, friendships or income; but satisfaction with SELF. People who accept themselves feel good about life in general. My husband is the happiest person I know. I asked him once, “What is your secret? How are you always so positive despite the many tribulations and obstacles that have been placed before you? Some even life and death, how do you never seem to have doubt that things will not turn out right? ”
He said to me “I just don’t think negative. I only accept positive thoughts into my head.I do not allow it because I don’t like to stress. If there is a problem, I work on the solution rather than dwelling on the problem. If I can’t come up with a solution at that moment, I shelve it in my head and think about it later.”
There is also the theory of the “self-serving bias”. People accept more responsibility for good deeds than for bad, for successes than for failures. The question, “What have I done to deserve this?” or, “Why me?” are questions asked when our troubles are high, not our successes- because those we assume we deserve. Rarely do you hear something good happen to someone and they say “why me???” Or, “Life is so unfair, why do I always get what I want?” Next time something unfortunate happens to you, say to yourself, ” I can’t wait to see why this has happened to me. I know there is a reason.” What’s wrong with making light of a dark situation?
2.Optimism: Happy People are Hope-Filled
Those who agree that “ with enough faith, you can do almost anything” and that “thinking positive will result in a positive outcome” may sound a bit naïve, but by seeing the glass half-full rather than half-empty they are usually happier people.
Let’s say I am thinking positive about getting a job and I go into the interview with a positive upbeat attitude but in the end I am not offered the job. I would be optimistic and simply state “I did all I could do to get the job and I didn’t get the job. The job was meant for someone else, not me.” A pessimist would say, “I tried to get the job, I was even positive and yet I still didn’t get the job! That’s just my bad luck again!”In the end, neither got the job, but one feels optimistic that there is another job out there waiting for them and they didn’t waste any negative energy making themselves feel bad. Meanwhile, the pessimist took extra effort to make themselves feel worse about not getting the job when it would have served them better to accept the loss and look for the next opportunity.
Lastly, I would want to know why I didn’t get the job, to be absolutely sure I had done all I could and would contact the interviewer for some feedback. I have found it is always better to know why then sit around making myself crazy analyzing everything. Optimists enjoy greater successes in life because they are willing to move past setbacks and view them as flukes or as a suggestion that they may need to find a new approach. A person who confronts life with the attitude, “Yes I can do it” to people and possibilities enjoy far more joy and accomplish more than do chronic pessimists.
3. Extroverts: Happy People are Outgoing
Extroverts report greater happiness and satisfaction with life. Self-assured extroverts can walk into a room full of strangers and warmly introduce themselves. This is because liking themselves, they are confident that others will like them as well. Extroverted people are more involved with others. They have larger circle of friends and they are more engaged in rewarding social activities.
Now, if you really know me, then you know I am an extroverted introvert. Sounds like an oxymoron, I know. Here’s my explanation: I am introverted. I like to be alone with my thoughts. I enjoy a tight circle of friends. I do not enjoy going “out” and I am often referred to as an old soul. On the other hand, I enjoy giving presentations in front of people, I have taught fitness classes where I am the center of attention, and I also enjoy giving toasts and meeting new people. I am an outgoing introvert. I will give my secret: sometimes I “fake” it until I “feel” it. That is all.
4. Personal Control: Happy People Believe They Choose Their Destinies
Yes, I believe in fate, however, the key to enjoying life is to put forth the effort and not just “waiting” for things to happen. Fate is what happens after the fact- whether or not that specific event or occurrence was meant to happen. People who feel in control of their lives and feel satisfied with themselves have extraordinary feelings of happiness. Happy people who are in control of their lives typically achieve more in school, cope better with stress and overall live more happily.
Increasing people’s control can noticeably improve their health and morale. Happy are those who also gain the sense of control that comes from effective time management. Unoccupied time, especially for out of work people who aren’t able to plan and fill up their time often feel unsatisfied with themselves and their lives. For unhappy people, time in unfilled, open and uncommitted; they postpone things are can be unefficient. Happy people, regardless of their social and economical status, fill their time and are punctual and efficient.
Determining pre-set dead-lines for yourself, and meeting them, can lead to the delicious, confident feeling of personal control. These “dead-lines” do not have to be big or important to anyone else but to you. They can be a short “to do” list for the day and I promise that once completed you will feel much better about your day. I am often asked what I do with my time since I am a stay-at-home mom. When first asked this, since I was new to my job, I would honestly get annoyed and a bit defensive. How dare someone assume I sit at home all day eating and watching tv! I was, of course, being overly sensitive to the question. I have a routine that I do Monday-Friday that makes me happy. I stick to my routine so much that at times it can be greatly unsettling to me if I have to disrupt my schedule. I have your typical things that moms do, but I have them scheduled in mentally so that I never feel like I spend the day sitting around.
5. Learn to Laugh
Laugh at yourself. Laugh at your situation. Humor goes a long way in internally solving our problems. Don’t take life so seriously all the time. It is too short to not be enjoyed. Find time to do things that make you happy. It can be the tiniest bit of time you may have in your day, but set it aside to find your inner peace. Surround yourself with happy people who make you laugh. Watch a funny movie or stand-up comedian or think of something that makes you laugh. It is a matter of attitude. Mind over matter. Our minds are so powerful that we can fake ourselves into feeling better, if only for a moment, yet it will take some of the weight of our problems off of our shoulders.
6. Move! Exercise!
People who exercise regularly feel better about themselves. It is about setting a goal and meeting it, however big or small your workout goals may be. It is also about feeling pride in what your body can do. It is about the release of endorphins that naturally make you feel energized and happy. So get out there and get your body in motion! You will be amazed at how much better you feel!
Recipe for well-being:
The recipe for well-being require neither positive nor negative thinking alone, but a generous mix of optimism to provide hope, a drop of pessimism to stay grounded, and enough realism to distinguish between those things we have control over and those we do not.
Next Post Topic: Can Smiling Make You Happy?