Life is Simple. Stop Complicating it.

This is your life. This is not a test, and if it were you already have all the answers but just don’t know it yet. Life, you only get one, though it may have many chapters within it. Life is simple, though hard at times, it is simple. Do things that you love to do and you will be happy. If you don’t like what you are doing in your life, change it or change your attitude towards it. Seems easier said than done but try NOT being happy doing things you love to do. It is sometimes easier to be sad than to be happy because happiness takes guts of letting go of all the bulls**t in your life and really living it. That’s right, I said it, the bulls**t. Stop living your life for other people. Stop floating through life and not ever really experiencing it. Have you ever seen someone scarf down their meal and wonder if they are even really tasting their food? This is what I think about certain people and the way they are floating through their life, never stopping to smell the roses, never taking it all in. Never really being in love, but only loving with half their hearts. Never diving head into life, but merely getting their feet wet.

Life is simple. Love is complicated if it is not true love, which makes it complicated. Go with your gut instinct, if you second guess something then that’s your inner-self warning you that you may not be making the best decision in love. Make sense? It is not a thought process of “do I love this person?’, you either do or you don’t- that simple. If you are searching for the love of your life, stop; they will find you when you start doing things that you love and that make you happy.

Life is simple, that’s why it’s seems so complicated. Stop wondering what you are doing here and answer your own question. I am a firm believer in God, but it is not His responsibility to make us happy. He is not a wish grantor, wasn’t it enough He gave you life? Live a life with purpose, whatever that may be and you will have lives a fulfilled life.

I see so many people floating through life and then waking up one day asking, “What have I done with my life? Where did my 20’s, 30’s go? Why am I not happy?” Answer your question by not answering it. What I mean is get back to basics. Think back to your childhood and the simple things that brought you joy. Remember coloring? Jumping rope? Swinging on a swing? Life seemed so much simpler back when we were kids and had no problems, right? The truth is that life was simpler back when we didn’t know about all the things that were made to make us “happy”. Strip down all the crap from your life that is weighing you down and get real with yourself. What truly makes you smile and makes you happy?

Adults make life so complicated sometimes. I remember being a kid and being excited about the next day because I never knew what that day could bring me, even if it was a Tuesday. Life had a sense of excitement to it because things were not planned. A school day always meant that we might learn something new or that I might win my favorite schoolyard game- tether ball!

I am a planner at heart and as I have said in previous posts, I am not spontaneous. I like schedules but I also try not to take myself too seriously. I go with my feelings on big decisions and it has taken me this far in life and I have no regrets about any aspect of my life thus far and do not intend to have any in the future. If I find myself getting too serious I think about how simple life really is. We are the ones that complicate life by our actions and above all with our attitudes.

Life is simple. Stop complicating it.

I am my own worst critic aka enemy

“Four things come not back: The spoken word, The sped arrow, The past life, The neglected opportunity.”Arabian Proverb

When opportunity knocks on my door, I sometimes find myself not wanting to answer. Sounds silly,I know but I get scared too. I know it is just fear I am facing; fear of the unknown challenges that may lie ahead. I know all this- rationally, but irrationally I fear failure the most above all else. My latest challenge: I have “willed” myself a  job that is a few years ahead of schedule. Basically not in my highly thought out plans for my life. You see, I have a 5-year plan that include being a stay-at-home mother to my son until he is old enough to enter kindergarten and also to do the same for my unborn child who is due to arrive this November (also planned). My usual approach to fear in to take it head on, to challenge that fear even though it sometimes is greater and mightier than little old me. However, I must admit, my first thoughts are always to run far, far, away and hide in a corner alone. I should also add that I do not have a spontaneous bone in my body, (and if I do it must be rather small).

I am sitting here thinking about my “5 -year plan” and wondering what a slight digression from it would really do to me. It all seems to lead to positives(now that I am thinking rationally, lol). It got me thinking about all the wonderful events and occurrences in my life that I did not plan; the most rich and fulfilling aspects of my life were those unplanned things.My husband, the many places I have lived throughout the country that I never thought I would find myself living, the things I have experienced, the people I have met, deciding to have my 1st child 2 years before I had originally “planned”.  I know myself well enough to know that in the end, everything works out for the best. I also know that my tendencies in life are to first panic, want to run away, and then after a good night’s rest, I always make the right decision. Funny how we are capable of talking ourselves in and out of things. I am a great motivator to others, but sometimes the worst enemy to myself. I am also not one to run to people and seek advice and/or help. I am so inside of my head that I find it best to write it all down, my fears and my concerns and then re-read this list the next day (or whenever I am feeling more rational) to truly assess my feelings on the matter at hand. Good advice I think. I think I will take it!

Anyhow, I think that the proverb says it all. I have said many things that I wish I haven’t said and now always think before I speak (and if I still offend then that what sorry” is for). I have also never regretted a thing in my life and do not intend to do it now. I think that it is better to try something and fail then to have never tried at all. Reminder to myself: when opportunity knocks that is fate and destiny, however, it only takes you halfway there. The other half is getting off your butt to answer the door.

Create Your Own Destiny

‘The best way to predict the future is to create it.”

If you are sitting around waiting for life to come and find you like a game of hide-and-go-seek, then you may be waiting a long time. Life is full of unpredictable moments, but without setting goals and creating your own destiny, then you are merely waiting around for life to come to you. I do believe in destiny, however, in order to get to that place you are supposed to be at , you have to put in some effort. You create your today, tomorrow and future by your attitude and what you choose to accomplish. Setting realistic expectations and goals for yourself is the most important difference between making your destiny and waiting for it to create itself. I don’t know many people who don’t enjoy having control over their lives.

First of all remember to take baby steps. I love the story of the tortoise and the hare because I too always take my time when accomplishing large tasks to ensure I do every step correctly and am learning things along the way. This is just what works for me and I am always happy in the fact the although it took me longer to get to the finish line than the hare, I still came in first place because the hare was too cocky and underestimated my abilities.

So, you’ve taken your baby steps and now it’s time to set some relevent and realistic goals. If you say, ” I want to lose 50 pounds”, but do not take into consideration your time, your energy and workout level and how long it would really take you to lose the weight, you may end up failing and feeling worse about yourself in the end. If you say, “I want to save $1,000”, but do not cut back on your spending habits then you are setting yourself up for failure. A realistic goal is one that you can achieve within your means and flexibility of your lifestyle. A relevent goal is one that will actually enhance your life not a goal that is set to satisfy someone else .

After you have set realistic and relevent goals, the next step is to visualize your goal as already being attained. Without seeing yourself as your gaol, you are working towards a blind goal. If it is weight loss, then visualize yourself thinner, or better yet, visualize yourself being healthier and more energetic . Think of yourself attaining your goal and how proud you will feel once you’ve achieved it.

Remember this, the main difference between those who create their destiny, and those who wait for it to happen, is found in their personal level of determination. If you are not one of these people (yet) then do not worry it is common to start of on the quest for your goal feeling somewhat inadequate. If you start off with a bang and later feel your energy and enthusiasm dwindling then hit the “restart” button and do baby steps once again. Imagine if you never got back on your bike as a child when you fell off the first time? What if you gave up the first time you tied your shoes? The first time you learned how to drive a car?

Over time, as you begin to have small successes,your commitment to your goal will begin to grow. After working longer towards your goal, you will find your determination to complete it deepen to the point that you will become one of “those” people who refuse to allow any obstacle get in the way of them getting what they want. Your confidence will build in yourself and you will be a happier person.

My best advice is surround yourself with positive people, especially in the areas you want to be succesful in your life. Let go of your negative inner voice that tells you “can’t”, in fact erase can’t from your vocabulary and only think of can. Find a mentor that exhibits those positive characteristics that you desire to posses within yourself.

We create our own destiny. Do not hold your breath waiting for it to find you or you may find yourself falling over from lack of oxygen.

The Frenemy

Definition: a combination of the words ‘friend” and “enemy”. Sounds easy enough, but it is a much harder concept to understand when your friend turns into a frenemy.

A checklist to see if you are in a frenemy relationship:

1. Do you love to hate this person? Or does this person seem to love to hate you?

2. Are they fiercely competitive even in the most ridiculous circumstances?

3. Are they not supportive of your life and decisions?

4. Do they always seem to have a negative comment for your hope and dreams?

5. When you spend time with this person do you find yourself needing a day off because they have drained you?

6. Do they expect to be catered to like a princess? Are you always bending for them and them never for you?

7. Do they get jealous when you spend time with other people? Even if it’s your significant other?

8. Do they take advantage of your money? Of your time?

The real question to ask yourself now is if this is a relationship worth keeping or ditching? The only answers to saving this type of relationship is to call the person out on their behavior and refuse to tolerate it anymore. We teach people how to treat us (old blog post I wrote discusses this). There is also a way to add some separation from this person so that you are less available to take their torture. Be straightforward with your emotions. If they hurt your feelings or offend you, say so right there and then, put them in their place and let them know that they are not being a good friend.

Women tend to have more problems with frenemies then men do because we are more competitive by nature. It is perfectly normal to feel a sting of jealousy when your friend achieves and receives something you too desire, but it a jealously that should also be shared with a sense of happiness for your friend. Check your jealousy at the door and be supportive of your friend because when the shoe is on the other foot you will want their support and happiness for you, right?

I  have been there, in fact I have a few relationships I often question because my “friend” seems a bit controlling and unappreciative of my time. I am a nice person and do not like to stir up drama, therefore I usually let things slide, but there is only so much I can take until I hit my limit. I have had friends expect me to pay for meals because they weren’t working and charge up a huge bill for me to take care of. I have had friends be inconsiderate with my time and family and expect me to drop everything whenever they are free. I have had friends not congratulate me when I have achieved things in my life, been excited about something that they perhaps want in their lives and have made snide remarks at said achievements. I am not one to rub things in people’s faces, but it is hard to not have a friend to share your accomplishments with because of fear of their negative reactions. If I won the lottery tomorrow, there are a few people I would steer clear of telling because they would be mean as opposed to happy for me. Why are these people still in my life? Because I do sincerely care about them and am trying to mend the relationship by keep them at bay and never give 100% of myself to them.

My real friends are there for me in my triumphs and my falls, never leaving me in my times of needs. They are the ones that regardless of what is going on in their lives, they are truly, truly happy for me. These are the people I tell my good news to first, the people who hug me and cry with me when they hear my good news. I am also equally there for them.

I have also found that there is a difference between being confrontational and standing up for myself. I do not allow negativity in my life and definitely no drama. I have grown a lot since having my son and realize that my life is too full of happiness and joy to allow a drop of negativity into my life. In the end, no person is worth drama.

Don’t Lose Faith

When we face life’s disappointments, they are not easy bumps to get over in the road. It is going to take strong will, courage and a decision to move on. Do not get trapped in the past and allow it to ruin your future. Stop thinking ” why me?” and start thing ” why not me?”
I had a rough 2008 and 2009 where the world as I knew it felt to be crumbling slowly around me. I did not lose faith, but I questioned it and would ask God over and over again “why he was testing my family. Why he was doing this to me. Why he was testing the strength of my sister’s poor body”, but God did not answer in words. I held on to my faith that things would work themselves out. He answered me quietly, through the little and big things that happened in our lives because of these unfortunate incidents and situations. I learned a lot about myself, I aged another 20 years within those 2 long years. I am a stronger person for having gone through all that mental and emotional anguish. I thought of the worst case scenarios and in one case it was literally life or death. I thought about that for months and was very angry that I couldn’t save my sister’s life, whom I had protected all of my life. I felt like I was being punished. I came to a simple conclusion: there are no answers in life and death. These things are beyond our control. We are mere humans that cannot begin to understand the complexities on the universe and of heaven. In the other bad situation I was faced with, I realized that it was merely financial and that in the end, money is insignificant as long as I had the essentials. During this time, I found out I was pregnant with my son and even though I was going to through an extremely stressful time, I realized that if God had blessed us with this tiny being in my womb, that life surely would go on. At the end of this period, my sister came through, my other situation worked itself out and I had an angel in my arms in the form of my son.
It started with changing my perspective on life in general, as a whole and eventually I decided that it was a decision I was going to make to be positive and happy. Yes, a decision. Now, this didn’t happen automatically, I didn’t literally wake up one day and say, ” I accept life as it comes and I am happy about it!!” I woke up and said instead,” I know it is going to be hard, I know that I may be disappointed at times with how my life is panning out, but I refuse to let it get the best of me. I am going to be happy.”
Remember that even if you do not see your value, God does. You must also see it and see your potential. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems, and it is only worse with the attitude you decide to have on your life and circumstances. Hold your head up as high as you can when you are feeling down and remember that you are loved, and you have a purpose on this world. Your dreams may not have turned out for you, but the fact that you are still breathing means that you can keep on dreaming new dreams. No matter what life throws at you, no matter how much you suffer, you have value so do not ever give up on yourself! You have got to be your own best friend, your number one supporter and your number one fan! Do not lose faith!
Now, I ask you this again: if God (or whatever it is you believe in) got you through that dark place you once found yourself in, why would He leave you now?