The Frenemy

Definition: a combination of the words ‘friend” and “enemy”. Sounds easy enough, but it is a much harder concept to understand when your friend turns into a frenemy.

A checklist to see if you are in a frenemy relationship:

1. Do you love to hate this person? Or does this person seem to love to hate you?

2. Are they fiercely competitive even in the most ridiculous circumstances?

3. Are they not supportive of your life and decisions?

4. Do they always seem to have a negative comment for your hope and dreams?

5. When you spend time with this person do you find yourself needing a day off because they have drained you?

6. Do they expect to be catered to like a princess? Are you always bending for them and them never for you?

7. Do they get jealous when you spend time with other people? Even if it’s your significant other?

8. Do they take advantage of your money? Of your time?

The real question to ask yourself now is if this is a relationship worth keeping or ditching? The only answers to saving this type of relationship is to call the person out on their behavior and refuse to tolerate it anymore. We teach people how to treat us (old blog post I wrote discusses this). There is also a way to add some separation from this person so that you are less available to take their torture. Be straightforward with your emotions. If they hurt your feelings or offend you, say so right there and then, put them in their place and let them know that they are not being a good friend.

Women tend to have more problems with frenemies then men do because we are more competitive by nature. It is perfectly normal to feel a sting of jealousy when your friend achieves and receives something you too desire, but it a jealously that should also be shared with a sense of happiness for your friend. Check your jealousy at the door and be supportive of your friend because when the shoe is on the other foot you will want their support and happiness for you, right?

I  have been there, in fact I have a few relationships I often question because my “friend” seems a bit controlling and unappreciative of my time. I am a nice person and do not like to stir up drama, therefore I usually let things slide, but there is only so much I can take until I hit my limit. I have had friends expect me to pay for meals because they weren’t working and charge up a huge bill for me to take care of. I have had friends be inconsiderate with my time and family and expect me to drop everything whenever they are free. I have had friends not congratulate me when I have achieved things in my life, been excited about something that they perhaps want in their lives and have made snide remarks at said achievements. I am not one to rub things in people’s faces, but it is hard to not have a friend to share your accomplishments with because of fear of their negative reactions. If I won the lottery tomorrow, there are a few people I would steer clear of telling because they would be mean as opposed to happy for me. Why are these people still in my life? Because I do sincerely care about them and am trying to mend the relationship by keep them at bay and never give 100% of myself to them.

My real friends are there for me in my triumphs and my falls, never leaving me in my times of needs. They are the ones that regardless of what is going on in their lives, they are truly, truly happy for me. These are the people I tell my good news to first, the people who hug me and cry with me when they hear my good news. I am also equally there for them.

I have also found that there is a difference between being confrontational and standing up for myself. I do not allow negativity in my life and definitely no drama. I have grown a lot since having my son and realize that my life is too full of happiness and joy to allow a drop of negativity into my life. In the end, no person is worth drama.

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5 thoughts on “The Frenemy

  1. For me, friendship should be a two way street: I except my friends to enhance my life and I enhance theirs in return. Honestly I try to keep a distance from people like this because I’ve learned I don’t mesh well with them. Negative people pollute my emotional state with their attitudes, not always intentionally either.

    I think if we do have people like this in our life we should really just try to exude the type of positive atmosphere that we want to engage in and hope that it reaches them.

  2. I don’t waste my time with these types of people. They will suck the life out of you if you let them. Life is too short and my time is expensive. 😉

  3. Wow, great blog post and what you wrote about frenemies really ring true. Looks like I am not the only one after all and yeah, I too had a frenemy a few years ago who came in the form of a flatmate from hell.

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