Forgive AND Forget?

As the year comes to an end I find myself reflecting on new lessons learned. I’m not sure if I will ever be able to forget those things that have happened to me by people I love and care for, but I am making the decision to forgive them. It is always worse when being hurt by family that are supposed to know you, but we can’t choose our families, we are born into them. This sometimes gives them more ammunition to fire at you if you are to ever fight because they know where your soft spots are; where you are most vulnerable. I do not believe it is possible for me to erase the memory of a painful incident. I will forgive, not because these people deserve my forgiveness,(or even care to be forgiven), but for myself.

Here’s my lesson and words of wisdom: forgive for yourself, not for the other person that has harmed you. If someone has dissapointed you and shown their true colors, then it is better to know this now than to continue thinking you have a better relationship than you actually do.

I refuse to be harmed by people that I thought cared about me. I refuse to be a victim in any sense of the word. I refuse to put any effort into relationships that are not worth my time.

Key word ” selfpreservation”.

So to all who have harmed me, you are forgiven. I will NOT forget because I will use that experience as a lesson for the future. Thank you for making me a stronger person. Thank you for making my 2011 a year that I will mark as the year I learned to forgive.

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Happiness is in the Eye of the Beholder

My favorite teacher from college posted this quote on Facebook a while back and it inspired this very post:

‘”People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they are not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.” – H. Jackson Browne

Happiness is in the eye of the beholder. We easily judge other people’s choices that they have made in their life and question their level of happiness. Conversations about other people’s lives and choices often lead to the topic of happiness. We can sometimes be quick to judge other people’s ideas of happiness and put down their life choices. It’s human nature to judge, sometimes unknowingly, based on our own ideas of happiness. It makes sense, in fact, to base your knowledge of happiness on your own experiences. Everyone has their own paths that they choose to take in their lives and within those paths each person has different human experiences.

There is the “common path” that society, our families or our cultures will pound into our brains. We are all “programmed” to be a certain way and to lead a certain life, it is the bravest of us that decide to take the road that best suits us in the end. This road may not be the most unique in the world, as far as roads go, it may not be the most adventurous either, but it is OUR road to take, our life to experience.

We give other people advice or criticism about their live based on our own ideals while rarely taking into consideration this other person’s perspective on life. Next time you hear someone talking about their life and talking about how happy they are, take into consideration their perspective on life and what makes that particular person happy. Don’t be too quick to judge. Be open-minded. Root for happiness in all its different forms and begin to understand the different types of happy that exist in this world.

To each his own. The best advice I ever received as a young girl. It is normal to  compare our lives against those around us, but in the end we should not judge our happiness based on what makes other people happy.

 

Wisdom: “You’re not a shiny gold coin that everyone is going to like”(Quote from my late great-grandmother)

Despite my many efforts to be a nice person and a considerate person I have come to the conclusion that not everyone is going to like me. This is a concept I have to keep revisiting and re-learning because I am a believer that you get what you give to people. Yet I am faced with the hard reality once again that not everyone is going to like you. This is a hard concept for me to grasp since I always take the time to get to know people and find some common ground with them. I am a people pleaser, as I’ve previously stated in an earlier post, thus this concept in especially hard for me to understand. I have always believed that if I treat people with respect and show an interest in getting to know them that they would do the same.

Here’s some advice before your feelings get hurt: People are like flavors of ice cream, we all like ice cream but we don’t all enjoy all the flavors. Just as you may not enjoy all the flavors, others may not enjoy your particular flavor either.

I believe that the way people treat me is their problem, their karma to deal with, whether they choose to be nice to me or mean, that is up to them. The way they choose to treat me will come back to them through karma. My karma is how I choose to react and act from the way I am treated by other people. In all honesty, I can say I am never as mean to anyone as they are to me, but I always try to be nicer by taking the high road and letting them “win”. Kill them with kindness, never talk behind their back things or say things you would not say to their face and in the end they can never say you were mean-spirited. If they do, however, you and everyone else know that this was made up in their head and not a reality.

As my late great-grandmother used to say, “You’re not a shiny gold coin that everyone is going to like.”

Yeah, I think that about sums it up…