Forgiveness Takes Time

Forgiveness takes time. Sometimes it is a daily struggle and a conscious effort to do both. The mind doesn’t always work the way we want it to; especially when it comes to forgetting what someone has done to wrong us.

When we make the decision to forgive someone, we sometimes forget that our hearts and minds will always remember pain, regardless if we are still upset about it or not. Have you ever forgiven someone, and then time goes by and something reminds you of what they did to you in past? Do those hurt feelings fill your heart again? It is totally normal and natural if this ever happens to you because pain is imprinted on our hearts and souls forever. Like a tattoo that has been removed, there will always be a scar left in its place. This doesn’t mean that you should be angry all over again, it simply means you must remind yourself that you have forgiven, why you have forgiven and stop thinking about the past.

Forgiveness of ourselves and also of other people can sometimes be a daily struggle. “It is a gift to yourself to forgive”- I was once told. It never made sense to me until I was older and realized that the only person I was hurting by holding a grudge and replaying the same sad story in my head over and over again, was myself. I will not give anyone the power to repeatedly make me feel bad, so I forgive. I hold in my anger and hurt a lot because I am human and forget these simple words told to me as a little girl. When rationalization comes back to me, I release the hold the person’s pain has caused me and forgive. They may not even know that they have been forgiven, but I say it, feel and think it to make it stick. Sometimes daily…

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How you treat others is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself.

How you treat others is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself. You may not think others notice, but they do. You may think that it is everyone else, but it is you. You are the only one in control of you. If you come across 100 people in a day and they are ALL out to get you, wouldn’t it make more sense that perhaps it is just you and your attitude? You are, afterall, the one common denominator in every situation you are found in. If you go out into the world looking for a fight, you will find one that you have created all by yourself.
If you are kind to yourself, you will be kinder to others. If you are patient with yourself, you will be more patient with other people.
Don’t let your internal dialogue be so negative that you start affecting other people.
No person is an island of themselves; we are all apart of the same world. Your actions towards other people DO have consequences, whether or not they are apparent today or tomorrow. We affect each other; from the people we love the most, all the way to the person checking us out at the grocery store. Every. Single. Person. Is relevent. You are relevent.

Change your thoughts, change your words to others, your actions and people will start to respond differently to you. The way people act towards you is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself and how you in turn made them feel.

A Babbling, Rambling Look into Monica’s Head

I have to take my own advice again and again. For such a “wise” person, I tend to get deep into depressing moods over the actions of others towards me. I get depressed over my own reactions to other people. I get depressed about things that seem insignificant to others, but to me, weigh heavily on my shoulders and on my soul. If someone is mean to me, is it my fault? Is it their fault? Or is it simply my interpretation of their words that has made me feel low?

I often say: How you think is how you feel; how you feel is how you act; and how you act is how you will be perceived.
I say this so often, that I forget to say it to myself. I have a habit of looking after everyone else’s feelings and pushing my own feelings deep into the depths of my gut. I smile on the outside; making extra efforts to make others laugh and not see into my eyes the real pain I am feeling. This is how I try to be strong. I have a hard exterior; shiny and strong. My interior, my true self, is a ball of mushy emotions; a mixture of a confident woman in her early 30’s and a little girl lost in a crowd searching for her parents.
I have been so deep inside my own head; so down in the inside, that my thoughts have been nothing but negative. I am acting normal to the unfocused eye, but those who can really see me know that I am putting on my shiny facade to hide what I am really feeling.
To those that know me best, to my spouse and my best friends, I am worried to be perceived as a confusing, irrational contradition.

I am simply writing this post, to get these thoughts out of my head and to possibly help someone reading this know that it is ok to not be ok all the time. It is fine to have an emotional outburst and relish in the feelings that comes with being true to your own feelings. Let it all out. Talk out those negative feelings. Replace them with happy and positive thoughts.

Remember to be kind to yourself and to detach yourself from reality every day for a moment and stop your thoughts from replaying the same negative scenes over and over again. Stop and smell the roses of your life. There is such simplicity in being positive and happy that we often lose sight of the little beautiful things that surround us daily. A blossoming flower, a child squealing with joy on the playground, people waving to one another, the sun rising each morning…

Being unhappy and negative is also easy. We can look at those same beautiful things and see only the ugly in them because that’s how we feel on the inside. I have felt that way. I swam in it. I consequently made myself depressed. I feel the ugliness of my thoughts right now as I type the pit of my stomach, those negative feelings that are left overs of all the negative thoughts I have been having regurgitating over and over again. I made a decision to not feel that way anymore and just like that, I started to feel better. I made the decision to love myself more by feeding my soul more positive thoughts about myself, my life and everything my eyes see.
I made a decision to not take anything personally and to not engage in any fights that weren’t worth fighting. It is easier than you think and at the same time harder than you could imagine because it is not a single thought that changes your feelings; it is the accumulation of all of your thoughts that either make you feel happy or feel sad. To look happy and to feel it, are two very different things.

I am rambling off my thoughts tonight and I feel wonderful admitting I am not perfect. I am not void of negative feelings and depression. I can recognize when I am spiraling down and I refuse to let myself fall any deeper. This is my decision. I will make this conscious effect every moment I feel a negative thought coming on.

As simple and naïve as it may sound, my advice is to think your way happy. Think happy thoughts and you will become happy.

5 years

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Five years have flown by so quickly,
quicker than any other years of my life.
For so long, the thought of having a son was just a dream,
and now I have you to hold in my arms and kiss goodnight.
Your presence in my life has forever changed me,
from the second that little blue cross showed through,
that’s the moment I fell in love with you.

You are growing up so quickly,
I wish I could take each moment and hold onto them forever,
or maybe freeze them forever in my memories; every smell, every cry, every sweet smile, every hug, every look into your sweet brown eyes.
All these memories I will hold with me forever.

One day my little boy will be a man and right by your side I will stand.
I will pick up the pieces when you fall.
I will forever encourage you to be best version of yourself.
I will always be your number one fan.
I will hold your hand when you are weak, scared or unsure of yourself.
I will be always help you stand tall.

And when that day comes that you are on your own,
Never feel that you are alone.
No matter how far apart we ever are, no matter any distance or time spent between visits, you will always be in my heart; for you are the first to hear my heart from the inside.
I will always love you.

Happiness is a decision

Happiness is a decision. Happiness should not be placed upon a single act or a possession. There is so much to be happy about in this life that it can be overwhelming to me when I sit and think about all the beauty in the world.

I am not rich. I do not live a life of leisure. I have children and chores and dinner to cook and bills to pay, yet I remind myself constantly to take in the beautiful chaos that surrounds me and soak it in and to remember to be happy.

I used to get caught up in the idea ( and still do every now and then), that I will be happier tomorrow; that I will be happy if only I had what I desired in life all the time. This is a common reason for people to be unhappy, yet we forget that the sweet without the sour would never taste so sweet. It is how we deal with the sometimes negative aspects and circumstances of our lives that proves our strength to ourselves.

I have two little people watching me; they are little sponges taking in everything I do, every reaction I have about day-to-day occurrences and they are learning from my example. I want to be their role model. I want them to remember their mommy smiling and being positive and happy on those days that they want to give up. I want them to absorb the happiness surrounding them.

I couldn’t care less about having more money, if it meant less time with my family. I do not want delayed and planned happiness on the weekends only, or on family vacations. I want happiness now. I want daddy to be home and have the kids run to greet him and have him soak in their hugs and kisses because regardless of what the world has been like to him today, he has come home to a loving family. I am happy now. I look around at the chaos of toys and crayons and books and clothes that accumulate every few hours and I smile because this is life happening before my eyes. These are my kids being kids. They will help to clean up their messes but in the meantime, they are fully enjoying being kids. This is my happy.
There is happiness and beauty on a rainy day and a sunny day. The rain will surely bring on a rainbow and the sun will help to dry the rain and grow the green grass and flowers. We need both and there is happiness to be found in both.

I look around and think about all the possessions I think I own. How can I own anything in this world that money can buy when it can be broken, burned down or worn out? I can really like something, but love, not love. These things sometimes give me temporary happiness but they are not what I think of when I need to smile when all I want to do is cry.

We can so easily be caught up in the idea that more we have, the happier we will be in life. We go out and buy big houses with rooms we never go in, and buy cool and hot air to make it the perfect comfortable temperature. We decorate to look at pretty things we can never touch. We buy cars we cannot afford to impress people we do not know and we work extra hours at work to make sure we have enough money to buy more stuff. Stuff. Things. These are not happiness makers. These are temporary bandages on real issues if we do not face our problems. If we do not nurture our families and friends. We have to start putting more value on people and less on things because when we die, people will mourn us, not all of the things we bought.

I like nice things too, don’t get me wrong and they make me feel happy when I buy them and when I look at them and use them, but I make sure I know that I lived without them before I bought them and should be prepared to if they should ever be gone. I make sure to not place all of my happiness on these things and make sure I know that the temporary high I get from buying something on sale that I really wanted is in no way equal to the permanent high I feel from love and laughter of my family and friends.

To have the best of everything is this life isn’t about possessions but it is about nurturing ourselves, our loved ones and really getting to the depths of people we meet and people we care about. That is where happiness in found. In ourselves, in others, in our surroundings. If all you see is the ugly in people and in the world, then maybe you need to look within yourself and change your perspective.

My Children

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Sometimes I find myself just staring at my children in amazement. I see their perfect little imperfections. I see their love for one another and for me and my husband. I see how they look at their surroundings and really take in every new experience. They are rarely bored because they have each other to entertain them, play with them and even just annoy them.
I find myself pausing and just absorbing the image of my children in this world and I smile.

The “ME” disease.

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The “me” mentality is a disease. It’s the belief that you are an island in this world. The thought, (or lack of thinking for that matter), that the world revolves around you and that by simply wanting something to come true it should happen for you. The problem is that few are willing to admit that they are selfish and self-absorbed, whether it be for a moment or a lifetime.

I am getting older, and beginning to see how selfish people are in this world. I am not a cynic and always strive to see the best in all people, but there are so many people I see that are swimming in a sea of their own self-pity that they can’t even come up for air long enough to see that the people around them are growing tired of constantly having to raise up their spirits. These “me” people are so selfish, only thinking of themselves. I am beginning to distance myself from these type of personalities and focus my energy on those that are worth my while.

These “me” people rarely are interested in how others around them are doing. These “me” people are those people who have a sense of entitlement for all the good in life just for breathing. There is no work involved to achieve their desires and expect things to be handed to them. There are also those that do work hard for things and still do not get all they want so they give up and blame everyone but themselves.

A few signs of a “me” mentality:

If your job isn’t going right and you find yourself blaming other people, you are a “me” person.

If you can’t lose weight and you are blaming outside influences that are “making” you fat, then you are a “me” person.

If you can’t find the right guy because they are all the same, you are a “me” person.

If everything around you feels like it is working against you then you too are a “me” person.

The good news: There is a known cure for the “me” disease! First, let’s look at the one consistent word and person in every bad and unsatisfactory outcome in your life. It is “you” (aka me). Yes, that’s right, sit back and take a look at yourself and see that in each element of your life, you are the only thing that stays consistent, therefore you are the only thing that has the power to change. You can change your outlook and attitude on your life but most importantly, you can change your approach when it comes to doing things and your ways with dealing with other people. Too often we expect other people to change and this feeds into the “me” way of thinking. We are all guilty of it, some more often than others and some more extreme than others.

The best cure is to start listening to other people, change your approach to all things that haven’t worked in the past. If you can’t come up with new approaches then ask people, go on the internet for support and ideas, ask a mentor or an honest friend about your weaknesses and come up with ways of overcoming these obstacles.

I am not perfect, I don’t claim to be and if I feel myself asking “why isn’t this working? I have tried everything. It’s not me, it’s them.” I take a hard look at myself and change my behaviors because I have realized (time and time again), that “me” is the only thing I have the power to change. I have no control over other people’s behaviors and it is in my approach and thinking that will change the outcome of the events in my life.

Sometimes, trying an old approach and old way of doing things ceases to work because circumstances change, as do people and therefore constantly relying on the same approaches every time are less likely to have a favorable outcome.

Einstein’s definition of Insanity: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.