The “ME” disease.

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The “me” mentality is a disease. It’s the belief that you are an island in this world. The thought, (or lack of thinking for that matter), that the world revolves around you and that by simply wanting something to come true it should happen for you. The problem is that few are willing to admit that they are selfish and self-absorbed, whether it be for a moment or a lifetime.

I am getting older, and beginning to see how selfish people are in this world. I am not a cynic and always strive to see the best in all people, but there are so many people I see that are swimming in a sea of their own self-pity that they can’t even come up for air long enough to see that the people around them are growing tired of constantly having to raise up their spirits. These “me” people are so selfish, only thinking of themselves. I am beginning to distance myself from these type of personalities and focus my energy on those that are worth my while.

These “me” people rarely are interested in how others around them are doing. These “me” people are those people who have a sense of entitlement for all the good in life just for breathing. There is no work involved to achieve their desires and expect things to be handed to them. There are also those that do work hard for things and still do not get all they want so they give up and blame everyone but themselves.

A few signs of a “me” mentality:

If your job isn’t going right and you find yourself blaming other people, you are a “me” person.

If you can’t lose weight and you are blaming outside influences that are “making” you fat, then you are a “me” person.

If you can’t find the right guy because they are all the same, you are a “me” person.

If everything around you feels like it is working against you then you too are a “me” person.

The good news: There is a known cure for the “me” disease! First, let’s look at the one consistent word and person in every bad and unsatisfactory outcome in your life. It is “you” (aka me). Yes, that’s right, sit back and take a look at yourself and see that in each element of your life, you are the only thing that stays consistent, therefore you are the only thing that has the power to change. You can change your outlook and attitude on your life but most importantly, you can change your approach when it comes to doing things and your ways with dealing with other people. Too often we expect other people to change and this feeds into the “me” way of thinking. We are all guilty of it, some more often than others and some more extreme than others.

The best cure is to start listening to other people, change your approach to all things that haven’t worked in the past. If you can’t come up with new approaches then ask people, go on the internet for support and ideas, ask a mentor or an honest friend about your weaknesses and come up with ways of overcoming these obstacles.

I am not perfect, I don’t claim to be and if I feel myself asking “why isn’t this working? I have tried everything. It’s not me, it’s them.” I take a hard look at myself and change my behaviors because I have realized (time and time again), that “me” is the only thing I have the power to change. I have no control over other people’s behaviors and it is in my approach and thinking that will change the outcome of the events in my life.

Sometimes, trying an old approach and old way of doing things ceases to work because circumstances change, as do people and therefore constantly relying on the same approaches every time are less likely to have a favorable outcome.

Einstein’s definition of Insanity: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.

To Quote Myself…

(File this is the nonsense pile of my Words/Wisdom and Nonsense. LOL)

When asked if I was a leader or a follower I quickly replied, without hesitation or thinking,
” It may seem like I am more of a “follower” than leader, but the truth is, I allow people to play in the roles that make them more comfortable for their own egos. My ego? Well, as for my ego, I enjoy knowing I could take over and lead at any given moment.”
~MONICA~

A Letter to My Future Self

Random, interesting exercise: I wrote this letter to my future self about a 2 years ago and forgot to respond to it until I came across it tonight. You should try this exercise when you are worried/curious/anxious about your future. Write yourself a letter (for your future self) and ask about those things you are worried/stressed/curious about. You will be so delighted and surprised by you answers. At least I was!
Example: Basically, write the letter on your laptop, phone or tablet and save it. Set an alarm for whenever you would like to have a response and when the timer goes off, write you responses.

A Letter to My Future Self:

Hi you, I mean me,

How’s it going? Two kids now, wow. Hope you have your old body back like you said you would. How are the kids? Your son must be about 3 years old now and the new baby about 9 months, how are you handling the transititon into a mother of one to a mother of two? Have you kept your old job working from home? Does your son attend a local preschool now? How is your daughter’s personality? Is she sweet and gentle like your son was?

How are things with your amazing husband?

Hope all is well.
Sincerely,
Your old self

My future self, present time (7/20/13)

Hey you, I mean, me,

I am doing well. My two kids are growing like weeds. I am sorry I didn’t respond to you earlier. My son is now 4 and my daughter is 20 months. I got my body back with hard work and dedication to eating clean and working out. In fact, I stopped going to the gym and got a double jogging stroller and do almost all of my running outside. I still work from home on various projects and it is a pretty relaxed environment with work, still just extra money to play with. My son just finished summer school preschool and he loves it! My daughter is the cutest! She is sweet and gentle and gets into everything. She gets anyone she comes across to smile, even the grumpiest people.

MY husband is still amazing as ever.

Hope you are doing well.
sincerely LOVE,
ME

Finding the extraordinary in the Ordinary

People can be so inspiring and beautiful without even realizing it; just as we can be in the presence of beauty and inspiration without noticing.
How do we notice? How do we let more light into our lives? By opening our eyes and hearts to the little things that surround us everyday.
I remember watching “American Beauty” and the scene came on where the boy is filming a plastic bag floating through the wind. As he spoke of the bag’s beauty, I totally understood what he was getting at and where he was coming from. The fluidity, the gracefulness and the very movement of the bag floating amongst the wind, in perfect harmony was beautiful. It sounds pretentious, I know, but think of the way the sun slowly set over the horizon. How it slowly changes color and floats down further and further until it can no longer be seen. Think of those few minutes where there is still light out, but no sun to be seen and simultaneously the moon is out in the same sky. That is beauty to me. That is inspiring. That reminds me that we are not alone in this world. These beautiful things were created for us all to witness; to witness at the end of a long, trying day or to witness at the beginning of our evening.

People, too, can inspire and be beautiful without even realizing it. When I witness small acts of kindness, it touches my heart. When I get a smile from a stranger or a friendly wave from a neighbor, it reminds me that we are all connected. My sister, who has been very ill and is slowly recovering, went on a walk by the beach today. She said she came across a piano that was one of twelve pianos that had been placed up and down the California Northern Coast side. The piano she came across had a woman sitting playing with her eyes closed and a young lady sitting crossed legged singing to the melody. My sister said it was the highlight of her day and I believed her. I felt a sense of joy that these two women happened to be playing on one of the first days my little sister was strong enough to leave her bed and venture out into the world. This was beautiful and inspiring to me and I know it was also for my sister.

Remember that it is the ordinary things you do as a person that can have an extraordinary impact on other people.

The Cookie Cutter Life

From the day we are born we were thrown into a society that “showed” us what it meant to live the American Dream. Finish high school, go to college, get a career, get a 401k, get married, buy a house, have 2-3 kids and a pet and wait until retirement to really do what we want to do for fun in our life. I never bought into that, though I sure tried my best to achieve those goals.

It still doesn’t make any sense to me that we should all have the same path and it will equal happiness because everyone’s idea of happiness is different. We can only judge those based on our own biases and for that reason we can’t undersand why someone else is happy doing something we would never dream of doing ourselves.

Yet here I am married, two kids, a dog, a house, a college degree. I didn’t follow a certain set of rules made for me by society. I don’t expect everyone to follow my exact path because it is my own. I created my path and I carved my way in my own time and when things felt right to me not to anyone else.

Remember that we will always be faced with people that will try to push us into their ways of thinking but we must always stand our ground and follow our own path. Make your own cookie cutter so to speak. Remember that your life is just that – yours and not theirs. Live it the way you see fit and if you happen to end up where they all said you would (like me), at least you went about it in your own unique way and in your own time. =)

I don’t wanna…things that suck about being an adult ( humor)

Things that suck about being an adult and a parent

1. Laundry- it will never be done because clothing is used daily. I must accept that I will never be on top of it.
2. Paying bills
3.Paying bills on time ( learned this in my early 20’s)
4. Filling your car up with gas
5. Grocery shopping
6. Forgetting your shopping list and trying to remember it by walking down each aisle while feeling confident at the checkout line that you indeed got everything on your list, only to get home to realize you didn’t.
7. Shopping for household items. In other words, toilet paper, paper towels, laundry detergent, these things add up on the bill..
8. Going to the dentist
9. Making the dentist appointment. I miss the days when my mom made all of my appointments ( paid for them too) and all I had to do was show up.
10. Doing housework because now you realize that it is in fact actual work!
11. Having to wake up early when all you want to do is sleep!
12. Responsibilities.
13. Having to wake up at any given moment for your kids.
14. Having to be “on” all the time if you have kids.
15. Having to say “no” to your kids for their own good. Someday they’ll understand. :-/
16. Changing diapers
17. Crying, whining, tantrums ( I’m talking about kids but there are plenty of adults that do the same)

Feel free to add your vents here. 🙂

It’s not me, it’s you

Let’s face it, when a relationship doesn’t work out, rarely do we take any of the blame. I am not talking about romantic relationships here but rather friendships. I’ve had a few end over the years, and it isn’t that I don’t care for those people anymore, it’s that I care about me more. Self preservation.
I will admit that there is always a tiny bit more that I could have done to save a friendship but at the end of the day, a real friend would never ask me to stretch myself so far and so thin.
It’s not me, it’s you.
My advice to all that are feeling that they are getting less than they deserve out of a friendship is to let it go. You are more important than forcing something that has died. When a relationship becomes more about the other person or you feel like you can’t be yourself 100% of the time, in all of your fabulous and not so fabulous glory, then that person is no longer doing you any good. They are no longer enhancing you and really, what good is having someone in your life that isn’t enhancing you?
Don’t allow people to stay in your life that don’t bring out the best in you. Don’t be afraid to let go of these toxic people. Another person, a great friend even, may be just around the corner. At least that has been the case in my experience. 🙂